Why Does My 19–24-Month-Old Get Upset When I Leave?

Why can separation anxiety still happen at this age?

Separation anxiety is common in young children from about 6 months to 3 years and may continue or reappear during toddlerhood.

Your child may want more independence while still relying on familiar adults to feel safe.

Being tired, unwell, starting childcare, or facing another change can make goodbyes harder.

How can I make goodbye easier?

Use a short, warm, and predictable goodbye ritual, such as a hug, a wave, and the same simple words.

Tell your child that you are leaving and when you will return in a way they can understand, such as “I’ll be back after your nap.”

Stay calm and affectionate, then leave as planned; a long, uncertain goodbye can make the transition harder.

Why might sneaking away not help?

Leaving without saying goodbye may prevent a protest in that moment, but it can make your child unsure when you might disappear.

A clear goodbye gives your child a chance to learn that you leave and come back.

Keep the explanation short and honest rather than promising that you will not leave.

What can help with childcare or a new carer?

When possible, introduce the carer or setting before the first long separation and allow time for your child to become familiar.

Keep a regular handover routine, share your child’s comfort preferences, and start with brief separations when practical.

A familiar toy or comfort object may help if the setting allows it and the item is safe.

How can I respond to my child’s feelings?

Acknowledge the feeling with simple words: “You’re sad that I’m going. I’ll come back after lunch.”

Offer comfort and confidence without shaming your child for crying or clinging.

A trusted carer can reassure your child after you leave and help them settle into a familiar activity.

Can separation anxiety affect sleep?

Some children seek extra reassurance at bedtime or wake and call for a carer during periods of separation anxiety.

A predictable bedtime routine and calm, consistent reassurance may help your child feel secure.

If sleep disruption is ongoing or affecting family wellbeing, bring it up with your child’s clinician.

When should I seek support?

Talk with a health visitor or clinician if your child stays very distressed for a long time after you leave or is not gradually adapting.

Seek advice if anxiety has continued for several weeks, prevents childcare or everyday activities, or is affecting your child’s wellbeing.

Share what happens before, during, and after separations so you and the professional can consider practical support.

What can I do today?

Choose one short goodbye phrase and use it consistently.

Tell your child where you are going and when you expect to return using a familiar event or routine.

If a new carer is involved, share your child’s comfort routine and allow a settling-in period when possible.

Notice whether fatigue, illness, or a recent change makes separation harder.