The short answer
Your baby might watch you playing in the sitting room, then cry when you step into the kitchen. This does not mean they can never be apart from you. Between seven and nine months, familiar people and routines become more significant and your absence can be upsetting. The US CDC includes looking, reaching or crying when a carer leaves among nine-month social and emotional milestones. The timing and strength of these reactions vary.
In this guide · 12 sections
Keep in mind
- Your baby might watch you playing in the sitting room, then cry when you step into the kitchen. This does not mean they can never be apart from you. Between seven and nine months, familiar people and routines become more significant and your absence can be upsetting.
- Your baby might reach for one parent and cry with the other. This does not mean the other parent is less loved. Familiar sounds, smells and routines may feel especially comforting at that moment.
- Crying when you say goodbye may be expected. If your baby stays extremely upset for a long time, feeding or normal activities are clearly affected, or family life becomes very difficult, speak with your GP or health visitor.
- Choose a time when your baby is comfortable, fed and rested. Start a short game with a trusted carer, say goodbye, step away and return to greet them. Make it easier if they struggle; it need not be tear-free to be a safe experience.
Why might your baby cry as you leave?
Your baby might watch you playing in the sitting room, then cry when you step into the kitchen. This does not mean they can never be apart from you. Between seven and nine months, familiar people and routines become more significant and your absence can be upsetting.
The US CDC includes looking, reaching or crying when a carer leaves among nine-month social and emotional milestones. The timing and strength of these reactions vary.
What is separation anxiety linked to?
Babies gradually distinguish familiar carers from unfamiliar people. They are starting to understand you continue to exist out of sight, but cannot yet predict when you will return. Short separations may feel difficult.
The NHS says separation anxiety and wariness of strangers are common from around six months to three years. Neither a calm seven-month-old nor a clingy nine-month-old should be judged on one behaviour.
How can your baby become familiar with another carer?
If your baby is staying with a relative they barely know, you need not pass them straight into someone else’s arms. Let them play together while you are nearby. Looking on from your lap can be just as acceptable as moving closer.
Gradually the carer might join a familiar game, chat before a feed or take part in a daytime routine. Short separations can follow your baby’s cues; forced cuddles are not necessary.
What should you say at goodbye?
Leaving without being seen might seem easier, but a simple goodbye is more predictable. Look at your baby, say “I’m going out; I’ll be back,” wave and leave calmly.
There is no need for drawn-out farewells or returning to repeat them. The CDC recommends a brief happy goodbye rather than sneaking off and a clear reunion when you return.
How can you try short separations at home?
When your baby is happily playing with a trusted adult, step into the next room briefly and return. Speak as you leave and greet them warmly on coming back. The aim is safe, repeatable experiences, not timed crying.
Hunger, tiredness, illness or a strange setting can make this harder on some days. Reduce the step, come back sooner or try another day.
Does preferring one parent mean rejecting the other?
Your baby might reach for one parent and cry with the other. This does not mean the other parent is less loved. Familiar sounds, smells and routines may feel especially comforting at that moment.
The other parent can create an enjoyable shared habit: a morning book, watching out of the window or a little game after meals. One goodbye is not a measure of attachment.
Why can a new home or nursery feel difficult?
Changing home, childminder or nursery can mean new sounds, spaces and people at once. Where possible, explore the place together first and establish a small, recognisable routine with the carer. A warm familiar greeting on your return may help.
Tell the carer how your baby shows tiredness, how they settle and their usual feeding and sleep patterns. Consistency matters more than a strict settling-in timetable.
When should you ask for help?
Crying when you say goodbye may be expected. If your baby stays extremely upset for a long time, feeding or normal activities are clearly affected, or family life becomes very difficult, speak with your GP or health visitor.
The NHS suggests seeking advice for severe distress after separation or difficulties lasting weeks. Loss of abilities, unusual drowsiness or symptoms of illness deserve a separate assessment.
What can you try today?
Choose a time when your baby is comfortable, fed and rested. Start a short game with a trusted carer, say goodbye, step away and return to greet them. Make it easier if they struggle; it need not be tear-free to be a safe experience.
Relatives may suggest leaving a baby to cry until they get used to it. Babies differ in their need for closeness and how quickly they adjust. Respond to your baby while also arranging support for yourself.
When to seek support
Some signs need emergency help; other concerns can be discussed with your child’s healthcare team.
- Crying when you say goodbye may be expected. If your baby stays extremely upset for a long time, feeding or normal activities are clearly affected, or family life becomes very difficult, speak with your GP or health visitor.
- The NHS suggests seeking advice for severe distress after separation or difficulties lasting weeks. Loss of abilities, unusual drowsiness or symptoms of illness deserve a separate assessment.
Sources used for this guide
- American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — HealthyChildren – How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety
- American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — HealthyChildren – Emotional and Social Development: 8 to 12 Months
- CDC — Milestones by 9 Months
- NHS — Separation anxiety
English editorial review:
The English text and regional guidance have been checked editorially. This is not an individual clinical assessment.
Luluna provides general parenting information. It does not diagnose conditions or replace your child’s healthcare professional.
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