The short answer
At 31–36 months, hitting or biting may happen when strong feelings, frustration, or a toy conflict are hard to put into words. Calmly stop the behaviour, set a clear limit, then teach a safer way to communicate.
In this guide · 12 sections
Keep in mind
- Impulse control and managing strong feelings are still developing at this age.
- The behaviour does not mean a child is bad, but hurting others needs an immediate, clear limit.
- Use calm redirection and teach simple alternative words or actions.
- Seek professional advice if behaviour is frequent, escalating, causes injuries, or affects daily life.
Why might a toddler hit or bite?
At 31–36 months, a child may have more words but still struggle to use them when upset. Hitting or biting can happen with frustration, a toy dispute, jealousy, tiredness, hunger, or too much stimulation.
Notice what tends to happen beforehand. Understanding the trigger can help you plan support and reduce some incidents.
Does this mean your child is “naughty”?
No. Young children are still learning to manage impulses and strong feelings. Hitting or biting can occur while these skills are developing.
Feelings are allowed, but hurting another person needs a clear boundary straight away.
What should you do in the moment?
Calmly stop the hit or bite, create space, and check that everyone is safe. Use a brief, firm phrase such as “I won’t let you hit. It hurts.”
Keep explanations short while your child is upset. Stay close and help them settle before talking through what happened.
What can you teach your child to do instead?
When your child is calm, practise simple phrases such as “my turn,” “stop,” “help me,” or “I don’t like that.” Show them how to ask for a turn or an adult’s help.
Praise gentle hands, waiting, and asking for help. This teaches a safer way to express a need, rather than only saying what not to do.
How can you help your child put things right?
Once everyone is calm, help your child check whether the other person is alright, return a toy, or help repair what happened in a way they can manage.
Focus on understanding the effect and taking part in repair. A forced apology may not help a child learn what to do differently.
Can tracking triggers help?
Yes. Notice when incidents happen and what was going on beforehand. Tiredness, hunger, busy spaces, toy sharing, or waiting can be triggers.
Try a practical adjustment, such as a snack, closer supervision, a quieter break, or support with taking turns.
Will smacking, shouting, or shaming help?
The NHS advises against smacking: children learn from adult example, and hitting can teach them that hitting is acceptable. The AAP also advises against physical punishment and humiliation.
Set a clear boundary, redirect calmly, and give attention to safe behaviour. If you feel close to losing control, make sure everyone is safe and take a brief moment to steady yourself.
When should you seek advice?
Speak with your health visitor or GP if the behaviour is frequent, getting more intense, causing injuries, or significantly affecting family life or nursery.
Seek advice as well if you notice loss of communication or other skills your child had already gained, or if anyone’s safety is at risk.
What can you try today?
Choose one short phrase, such as “I won’t let you hit,” and use it each time while you safely stop the behaviour. Practise one alternative phrase when your child is calm.
For a week, note what happened before an incident and what helped afterward. If your child attends nursery, share useful patterns with their key person.
When to seek support
Some signs need emergency help; other concerns can be discussed with your child’s healthcare team.
- Hitting or biting is frequent, escalating, or causing injuries.
- The behaviour significantly disrupts home or child-care life.
- Communication or another previously learned skill is lost.
- You are concerned about anyone’s safety.
Sources used for this guide
- American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — HealthyChildren – What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?
- American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — HealthyChildren – Top Tips for Surviving Tantrums
- American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — 10 Tips to Prevent Aggressive Behavior in Young Children
- American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) / HealthyChildren.org — What's the Best Way to Discipline My Child?
- www.nhs.uk — regional guidance
- www.bedslutonchildrenshealth.nhs.uk — regional guidance
English editorial review:
The English text and regional guidance have been checked editorially. This is not an individual clinical assessment.
Luluna provides general parenting information. It does not diagnose conditions or replace your child’s healthcare professional.
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