The short answer
Separation anxiety can continue at 31–36 months and does not automatically mean there is a problem. Brief, consistent goodbyes, a predictable routine and explaining when you will return in familiar terms may help.
In this guide · 12 sections
Keep in mind
- Separation anxiety is common in young children and may continue beyond age 3.
- There is no single settling time that applies to every child; the CDC 10-minute milestone is a US checklist.
- Use a brief, predictable goodbye and agree a consistent handover with the carer.
- Speak with a health visitor or GP if distress persists or affects daily life.
Can separation anxiety still be normal at this age?
Separation anxiety is common in young children and can continue beyond age 3, particularly during stressful changes. A tearful goodbye does not by itself mean there is a problem.
Notice whether your child can settle with a familiar carer and whether transitions become easier with time and a predictable routine.
Is there a set time by which a child should settle?
There is no single time limit that applies to every child. The CDC lists settling within 10 minutes after a carer leaves as a milestone for most children by age 3, but this is a US developmental checklist.
Do not use one difficult drop-off as a diagnosis. A new nursery, tiredness, or illness can affect how a child manages that day.
How should you say goodbye?
Use a warm, brief and predictable goodbye: for example, a cuddle, the same short phrase, and then leave. Tell your child you are going rather than slipping away unnoticed.
A calm, consistent handover gives your child and their nursery team a clear routine to follow.
How can you explain when you will be back?
Use everyday events your child understands, such as “I’ll be back after your lunch” or “after your nap.”
Talk about what you will do together later. Keep the promise and arrive when you said you would, as far as possible.
Why does consistency help?
Repeating the same goodbye and reunion routine helps your child learn what to expect. The NHS notes that saying goodbye and having happy reunions helps children learn that carers return.
Work with the nursery or childminder on a handover that feels manageable and consistent for everyone.
When can separation feel harder?
Starting nursery, meeting unfamiliar people, a change in routine, tiredness, or illness may make parting harder for a while.
If a change is coming, talk about the new routine beforehand and, where practical, build up short separations with a familiar carer.
Can a familiar toy help?
A favorite soft toy or another familiar object may comfort some children while they are with a carer.
Ask the nursery whether the object can be brought in and agree how it will be kept safe.
When should you seek advice?
Speak with your health visitor or GP if your child remains very distressed for a long time after you leave, the anxiety continues for more than a few weeks, or it is interfering with daily life.
Seek advice sooner if you are worried about your child’s development or notice a loss of skills.
What can you try today?
Agree a short, cheerful goodbye with your child’s carer. Tell your child when you will return using a familiar event and keep to the routine.
Ask the carer how your child settles after you leave; that fuller picture can help you decide whether the plan is working.
When to seek support
Some signs need emergency help; other concerns can be discussed with your child’s healthcare team.
- The child remains very distressed for a long time after you leave.
- Anxiety continues for more than a few weeks or interferes with daily life.
- You have concerns about development or notice loss of skills.
Sources used for this guide
- www.cdc.gov — regional guidance
- American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — HealthyChildren – How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety
- NHS — Separation anxiety
- www.justonenorfolk.nhs.uk — regional guidance
English editorial review:
The English text and regional guidance have been checked editorially. This is not an individual clinical assessment.
Luluna provides general parenting information. It does not diagnose conditions or replace your child’s healthcare professional.
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