The short answer
At 31–36 months, use short, concrete, consistent rules and tell your child what to do instead. A child may understand a rule but still need calm repetition to learn it.
In this guide · 12 sections
Keep in mind
- Limits teach safe, expected behaviour; they are not about frightening a child.
- Use a few clear rules and say what to do instead.
- Offer two acceptable choices within a boundary when possible.
- Avoid physical punishment, yelling, and shaming; notice positive behaviour.
What does setting boundaries mean at 31–36 months?
A boundary helps your child learn which behaviour is safe and expected. It is not about frightening or controlling them.
The AAP recommends showing the behaviour you want, setting clear boundaries and noticing positive behaviour.
How should you explain a rule?
Use a short, specific phrase your child can understand, such as “Blocks stay on the floor.”
Say what your child can do instead: “You can roll the block along the floor.”
How many rules should you start with?
Start with a few important rules. The CDC says toddlers and preschoolers may learn and remember around two or three rules at a time.
Focus first on safety and daily routines. Add another rule as the first ones become familiar.
Do choices weaken a boundary?
No. When possible, offer two acceptable choices within the boundary. This can support independence while keeping the limit clear.
For example: “It’s time to go outside. Would you like the red coat or the blue coat?” The adult keeps the plan; the child chooses between options.
What if your child says no?
Repeat the boundary briefly rather than getting drawn into a long argument. Understanding a rule does not mean your child can follow it every time.
For safety, give a clear direction without a choice: “Hold my hand while we cross.”
Are consequences appropriate?
A calm, related consequence can help your child understand what happens next. Explain it simply and follow through consistently.
If a toy is thrown, put it away briefly and show how to use it safely. The aim is teaching, not revenge or embarrassment.
Why does consistency matter?
Consistent, predictable responses help children understand what to expect.
Where possible, parents and other carers should use the same key rules and similar responses.
Should you shout, smack, or shame your child?
No. The AAP advises against physical punishment, shouting and shaming as discipline strategies.
Stay calm and firm, restate the boundary and show the expected behaviour. If you feel close to losing control, make sure your child is safe and take a brief pause.
What can you try today?
Choose two important boundaries and pair each with a clear replacement behaviour: “No hitting; use gentle hands.”
Use the same brief wording through the day and notice your child promptly when they follow the rule.
When to seek support
Some signs need emergency help; other concerns can be discussed with your child’s healthcare team.
- Frequent risk of serious harm to self or others during limit-setting.
- Behaviour persistently disrupts family or child-care life.
- Other developmental or communication concerns are present.
- A carer is struggling to manage anger safely.
Sources used for this guide
- American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) / HealthyChildren.org — What's the Best Way to Discipline My Child?
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) — Tips for Creating Rules
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) — Tips for Giving Directions
- www.nhs.uk — regional guidance
English editorial review:
The English text and regional guidance have been checked editorially. This is not an individual clinical assessment.
Luluna provides general parenting information. It does not diagnose conditions or replace your child’s healthcare professional.
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